The weather has been cooler, I've been wearing a pleather jacked, a beanie and multiple layers frequently. I've been burning cinnamon and spice candles, and wearing thick socks. I've become best friends with my space heater at home and at work, and still, I don't feel it. Gift baskets come into work, filled with goodies that the boss (an absolutely wonderful woman by the way) lets us gobble up. Still, no Christmas feeling.
I've bought presents that I took care in planning, I bought the wrapping paper that I've always wanted to wrap my presents in, and the bakers string. We spent a night at my dad's house eating pizza and decorating a tree. Somehow it all feels disconnected.
I've realized that this year very few houses are strung with lights, I would say about 1 in 7 in my neighborhood. That feels unnatural, maybe I'm just remember the past different, but I swear more houses were decorated with lights in previous years.
There's also no tree in my house. I think that's part of it. Maybe if I had bought myself a little tree, set it up on a shelf so I could see it every morning, maybe then it would feel more real. Maybe if I drove to find more houses, and bought myself an atrocious sweater with cats on it, I would feel like it was here. Maybe if I made more cookies, or ate more candy canes, or... maybe if I watched the Christmas episodes of The O.C., maybe then it would feel like Christmas.
Maybe if I still worked retail, or even at Cinepolis. Maybe then it would still feel like Christmas, hectic, chaotic, and pushy. But I don't want that Christmas anyway. Sometimes, just sometimes, when I'm in a parking lot, it feels like Christmas, but not in the way I want it to, in the "people are dummies" and "learn to drive" kind of way. I don't want to be a Scrouge.
Christmas use to be such a magical time. I really want to know how to get that feeling back. I want to know what I have to do to remember the magic that was Christmas as a kid. Not even the gifts... but the magic behind the season. The anticipation, the excitement, the laughing and playing.
Luckily it's not over yet. I still have 6 days to get some feeling in. Maybe if I do at least one Christmasy thing a day I'll get it. Even just a glimpse of it.
So right now I found my Christmas songs on itunes, and I set them to play. Tomorrow I'll be drinking some peppermint mocha creamer in my decaf coffee. I'll be making some cookies, possible some of the sugar variety, I'll be watching Elf with my man, snuggling and possibly wearing the aforementioned atrocious sweaters... I'll be making some nutella hot chocolate and maybe some cinnamon whipped cream. I'll be wrapping presents and watching the Chrismukkah episode from each season of The OC.
I'll be trying to find fires to curl up by, or trees to smell. I'll probably go buy some candy canes and have them all around me. I'll be watching a movie with grandma, mom and the siblings on that side, I'll be spending Christmas with my dad's family and most likely Dan. I'll be looking for a place to donate some food, maybe even just drop some into a San Diego Food Bank canister at Vons.
I'll be doing all I can to get that feeling back. The magic of the season.
If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them!