This month has been quite I want to say interesting but I use that word too much... sooo, it has been eventful. I've been to lunch with dad, been to lunch with my brother and a couple times with friends new and old. I wrote a note for an attractive stranger and delivered it to his work... we ended up hanging out a couple of times. In the moment of dropping off the letter it seemed so dumb, but it wasn't, I just think that was my mind, or lizard brain, trying to talk me out of being bold, or even vulnerable as Brene Brown would probably say.
I tried out a new job and got to see that amazing succulent planter at a Spanish style house. I sat with my Dad and second mom (stepmom, Cindy... I really don't know the best name, I've known her since I was 4 1/2... does 2nd mom work? I'm still not sure) around their new fire pit. I house sat for them and it felt like a staycation.
I tried a silks class for the first time and got my butt kicked but it was so good. I almost didn't make it, I had so many excuses but it was worth it. I went back to my other dance classes for a week... I re-read The Great Gatsby and then I went and saw it a week later (after working around it the whole weekend.)
I was trying new things and getting out there...and then... and then Mother's Day rolled around and I cut myself pretty deep on my thumb. I had to get stitches, 6-8 I'm still not sure as I didn't watch them do it and counting them was hard and then having them taken out was incredibly painful. I went back to work right after getting my stitches... I had walked to Urgent Care... and went right back to work because it was a busy day and I wanted to make some decent tips. I felt tough.
I didn't feel tough getting them out though. I've been a little anxious the past week or two, I've worked myself a little too much, and I'm a little more than tired. Then I went in thinking that getting the stitches out would be weird but not painful, especially because I don't have full feeling in different spots of my thumb (I did some nerve damage and it was right on the inside bend), but that was not the case. Most of them I'm just winced for, but the middle one, it made me cry. I was just sitting there, in the doctors office, wearing a dress, trying not to cry but then giving in because it hurt like hell and I was so tired and definitely at least a little ashamed. I wanted to be the tough girl. I'm still not really sure why that's so important to me, but it's definitely something I'll explore.
Now I'm sitting here typing while eating Cracklin' Oat Bran plain. It's been my thing for the past month or so. I've been working on getting my stomach back to working order too. It's definitely no where near where it had been before, there's still some progress to be made but we've come a long way.
My life and the state of my emotions is a constant ebb and flow. I'm not scared of drowning now, thankfully that high tide is gone for a while, but I am a little high. It's time to try new things again, see people I haven't seen in a while, make some time for myself, take a break... take some pictures, read fiction again, more specifically young adult fiction...
All in all, May has been good, it's definitely given me something to remember.