I Can't Take Another Day For Granted

yes it's 22.5 minutes, but I promise it's worth it

I sat last night and watched this video and was moved to tears. That shouldn't be surprising really, I'm moved to tears about a lot of things.
I was moved to tears but I was also filled with gratitude. Filled with gratitude for my life, for the air I breathe, for the body I have. I was filled with wonder, this young man was talking about acceptance of upcoming death, he was talking about dreams and aspirations, he was so positive.
My heart couldn't decide if it was breaking or filling up.

I want to live my days full of wonder and gratitude. I want to try things, I want to reach people, I want to appreciate what I have been given. I want to remember that this, all of this, the good and the bad is a gift.

This family, I can't even imagine, they are so strong, and they will have to be so strong.

This video, it made me realize again what I already knew, I want to do something big, I want to get out and meet people and have conversations about life and love and what makes them keep pushing on. I want to see what other people think is beautiful.

This video led me to the Soul Pancake youtube channel. If you haven't heard of it definitely check it out. They have different kinds of series, My Last Days, Metaphysical Milkshake, The Flipside and more. My Last Days make me cry, but they also inspire me, Metaphysical Milkshake makes me think... basically Soul Pancake is my new jam.
Also, just a little tidbit, Rainn Wilson does Metaphysical Milkshake and is one of the contributors/backers to Soul Pancake... they have a book too. I bought it today. I'll let know you know how it is!

What youtube channels or websites inspire you?

xoxo

Book Report: Eleanor & Park

artwork credit

Recently I've been reading a lot of self improvement/self help books. It was getting to where I never had a break from thinking or analyzing. I was craving something but no fiction sounded good. And then I was looking through my bloglovin feed and Dani posted about a summer reading list. Thank goodness. There were three books on her list that I was curious about immediately. This was one of them. I became even more curious when I saw that John Green, possibly my favoritest (it's going to be a word for this post) writer ever, had good things to say about it.

So I bought it. And I didn't necessarily like the description but I read it anyway. Seriously, John Green backed it... I'm in. I'm glad I haven't read anything that has him backing Twilight, I might cry.

Back to the point, I read it, and got lost in it, and definitely liked the book.

Short synopsis, no spoilers: A boy and a girl, strangers at first, first love, music and comics, and then there's a heavy story underneath. There's more than just a hint of reality, of imperfect life in this story.  It's nothing as heavy as The Fault In Our Stars or even Looking for Alaska, but it's close and different heavy, and real, and something I haven't read before. 

It made me miss a part of high school that I didn't even have, or maybe it just made me nostalgic for that kind of love, that kind of affection. Again, not something I had in high school, but it reads well. 

I definitely liked it. I'll take a few months to see if I loved it, to see if I miss the story and need to read it again. It's not unlikely, the story definitely came alive in my head. We'll see.

I'll be reading other books by Rainbow Rowell too, I liked her style. 

Do I recommend this book, yes, definitely. Does it top some of my other YA favorites? No. But it's good, it's worth the read. 

xoxo

Something to Remember

This month has been quite I want to say interesting but I use that word too much... sooo, it has been eventful. I've been to lunch with dad, been to lunch with my brother and a couple times with friends new and old. I wrote a note for an attractive stranger and delivered it to his work... we ended up hanging out a couple of times. In the moment of dropping off the letter it seemed so dumb, but it wasn't, I just think that was my mind, or lizard brain, trying to talk me out of being bold, or even vulnerable as Brene Brown would probably say.
I tried out a new job and got to see that amazing succulent planter at a Spanish style house. I sat with my Dad and second mom (stepmom, Cindy... I really don't know the best name, I've known her since I was 4 1/2... does 2nd mom work? I'm still not sure) around their new fire pit. I house sat for them and it felt like a staycation.
I tried a silks class for the first time and got my butt kicked but it was so good. I almost didn't make it, I had so many excuses but it was worth it. I went back to my other dance classes for a week... I re-read The Great Gatsby and then I went and saw it a week later (after working around it the whole weekend.)
I was trying new things and getting out there...and then... and then Mother's Day rolled around and I cut myself pretty deep on my thumb. I had to get stitches, 6-8 I'm still not sure as I didn't watch them do it and counting them was hard and then having them taken out was incredibly painful. I went back to work right after getting my stitches... I had walked to Urgent Care... and went right back to work because it was a busy day and I wanted to make some decent tips. I felt tough.
I didn't feel tough getting them out though. I've been a little anxious the past week or two, I've worked myself a little too much, and I'm a little more than tired. Then I went in thinking that getting the stitches out would be weird but not painful, especially because I don't have full feeling in different spots of my thumb (I did some nerve damage and it was right on the inside bend), but that was not the case. Most of them I'm just winced for, but the middle one, it made me cry. I was just sitting there, in the doctors office, wearing a dress, trying not to cry but then giving in because it hurt like hell and I was so tired and definitely at least a little ashamed. I wanted to be the tough girl. I'm still not really sure why that's so important to me, but it's definitely something I'll explore.

Now I'm sitting here typing while eating Cracklin' Oat Bran plain. It's been my thing for the past month or so. I've been working on getting my stomach back to working order too. It's definitely no where near where it had been before, there's still some progress to be made but we've come a long way.

My life and the state of my emotions is a constant ebb and flow. I'm not scared of drowning now, thankfully that high tide is gone for a while, but I am a little high. It's time to try new things again, see people I haven't seen in a while, make some time for myself, take a break... take some pictures, read fiction again, more specifically young adult fiction...

All in all, May has been good, it's definitely given me something to remember.

xoxo

Life has been full

Life has been full lately, of work at the movie theater, of tips, of making and beating my own sales goals... of meeting new people, trying new apps (tinder, I'm talking about you), re-reading books, and enjoying the pre summer weather that San Diego has to offer... well, a bunch of the time.

I also got myself into a little bit of a predicament on Mother's Day. Found myself in Urgent Care after two hours of work... cut myself pretty deep on broken glass. Not so fun. But I got myself some stitches and then went back to work, beat my sales record to date and completed a different challenge my boss set out... with an injured finger. Take that!

I'm all about a more positive mindframe lately. Parking tickets irritate me but don't ruin my day, 3-5 stitches, oh well... just have to get passed the feeling like I'm going to pass out part and then I'm okay. I know how to take care of myself pretty well when I get woozy (thank you years of piercings) I know my limits with what information I can take and what I just am better off not knowing (or seeing).

Life has been about trying new things and getting back into previous interests like dance classes and listening to poppy punk music goodness.

It's feeling a lot like summer here and I'm feeling lighter than I have in a while. There is still so much to work on, so much to learn, so much to figure out, but right here, right now I'm enough and it is enough and I'm learning how to be more and more grateful with each passing day.

I'm looking forward to the future, whatever it may hold.

Welcome May

I'm so happy for May. I think I have been saying this for every month, but I think this is taking the cake. It's not my birthday month, it's not yet summer, but it's May and it's not January through April, and things are letting up and I'm finding myself in a better spot mentally on a consistent basis.

My goal for May is to keep that good thing going. To keep appreciating, and getting out and doing things I want to be doing. I want May to be full of fun times, new experiences, and hard work.

I'll be watching TED talks
I'll be dancing
I'll be taking pictures and looking for a class or two to sign up for
I'll be practicing gratitude and working diligently on positive thinking
I'll be reading, as always
I'll be cleaning up and redesigning this space!
I'll be growing

It doesn't matter what happens next, I've decided that this dark period is over. It's all about perspective right? Right!

xoxo

Something to Remember

something to remember

doctors appointments, heart monitors and ultrasounds on the thyroid // starting Friday Night Lights // dinner at Urban Plates with my second mom // finally going to Torrey Pines Reserve // new music // saving a baby plant and trying to nurse him back to heath // going to high school haunts // window gardens //

here's to

finding new albums to listen to on repeat // talking to my new plants // driving with the windows down and the music loud // re-reading some of your favorite books and half remembering half forgetting what happens // good times with friends from work // new perfume // finally doing something I've been meaning to for a while // having good days despite everything // feeling the weightlessness of knowing that I'm better off this way then in the pseudoship I was in before // emails with people far away // a new shirt that makes the whole day just a little better // standing on the edge and taking it all in //

xoxo

Something to Remember

something to remember

really seeing the weight lost in the past 3.5 months. not good, but interesting. // finding things to eat // taking the cameras out for the first time in a while and getting a decent picture from the mini outside for once // a reminder to choose the good // a nice bath with bubbles and the best smelling candle // Zeus the great.

here's to

inspiration often striking at dad's house // rest and relaxation // an old dog that still looks and acts like a puppy // choosing to write about the good // great smelling shampoo and conditioner // rereading John Green books as a mind break // working on naming my core desired feelings // starting a new friendship through the blog and email

xoxo